Letters to Mom
by felicitytorres
Summary: Spencer's unmailed letters that he wrote about Derek. Inspired by the Fisher King episode.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Watching Fisher King part. 2, and got inspired. Gotta love ION network. Warning possible spoilers for that episode. Enjoy and don't forget to review.**

They had been together for almost six months now. It was surreal. Spencer never in his wildest dreams ever imagined that him and Derek would actually be a couple. Sure he wished it, but it seemed so far fetched to even entertain the thought, even in a fantasy. But here they are, together.

It was a Sunday afternoon. Derek was in the den watching sports, as usual, and Spencer was on the computer surfing the web when he came across something very interesting, (to him at least). He called Derek in to take a look.

"Derek...Derek come take a look at this."

"Spence I'm watching the game, can it wait."

"No, I want you to read something. Come here!"

Derek grudgingly got up to take a look.

"You're lucky we have DVR. What's so important."

"Not important, but interesting. Do you remember the Randall Garner case?"

"Seriously, how could anyone forget The Fisher King?"

"Well, that company that built the home with the faulty wiring had another incident with another family. I was reading this article and it referred back to Randall Garner. This family was fortunate not to lose anyone in their family but is expected to win millions if they win this lawsuit."

There was a pause.

"That's it. You broke me away from the game for that."

"Well yeah, I found it to be more interesting than a bunch of guys running around with a ball."

Derek laughed. "You really are a piece of work, you know that."

Spencer gave a " hmmmph."

"You know what I find interesting?" Derek said.

"No, what's that?"

"That during that case Randall Garner got all this information about the team because of your letters to your mom. Info on JJ, Gideon, but nothing on me? In light of the situation, I guess I should be grateful because I was left out as a target, but you know it kinda made me wonder why you never wrote your mom anything about me. I felt a little hurt in a weird way about it at the time."

"Are you serious?" Spencer laughed. "Of course I mentioned you to my mom. I told her about all the people I work with."

"Well I must not have made much of an impression, huh."

"You're ridiculous you know that right. If you want to know the truth", he sighed, "a lot of the things I wrote about you were just too personal, even for her eyes, so I just kept them for myself. Every letter that I wrote about you that I couldn't bring myself to mail is in a box in the closet."

"You have letters you wrote to me in the closet. I want to see them."

"They weren't wrote **to **you, they were wrote **about **you, and no you can't see them."

"Why not?"

"They're personal."

"Spencer, babe, what can be **that **personal? We know everything there is to know. What harm would it do?"

"They are embarrassingly love sick and sappy. I don't know."

"Awww come on, you know I'm love sick and sappy about you too." Derek smiled that irresistable smile that always got his way.

"Oh, alright. But I can not be in the room when you read them. That would be over-kill. I'll go get them."

Spencer went upstairs to fetch the letters. Derek thought to himself. Maybe this will be more interesting than that game. Spencer was coming his way with a nice size bundle.

"Well, here they are. In order by date."

Derek looked at the stack. "Hmmm, you wrote about me a lot."

"Yes I wrote about you." he said mockingly. "These are just the ones I didn't send. Happy reading. I think I'll just go upstairs and watch TV. Let me know when you're done I want to make sure I put them back up where they belong. And don't get them out of order." he scolded.

"Yes sir, will do kiddo." Derek took the rubber-band off the stack. Here goes.

_Dear mom__, _

_Today I'm going to tell you about the most infuriating and intoxicating person I know. His name is Derek Morgan..._

**A/N: Yes more will follow. I was in a particularly sappy and sweet mood. So if you're diabetic, Don't read. Sugar level will be dangerously high.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Spencer's letters. Be careful could be some spoilers in there if you haven't watched all of the season's episodes. Spoilers for Amplification, Somebody's Watching, and I think LDSK. Don't forget to review. :)**

ch.2

_Dear mom,_

_Today I am going to tell you about the most infuriating and intoxicating person I know. His name is Derek Morgan. I don't know what it is about him, but he definately gets under my skin. On the outside he's my polar opposite. He is totally a chick magnet, as they say, and __unfortunately __he knows it. He kind of reminds me of the jocks I went to high school with, the ones that used to pick on me all the time, but it's something about him that's different. I find no malice in his remarks. They almost feel affectionate, but I'm sure I'm reading into them. I know mom that I never out and out told you that I was gay, but I'm sure you knew. But then again, I don't know, maybe I'm not gay. Maybe I just have a bad habit of always being attracted to what I know I can't have. It's been that way all my life with the girls, and yes guys I've had crushes on. It's just a horrible pattern that Derek Morgan has tragically become apart of. I'm seriously hopeless. On that cheerful note, I bid you adieu._

_Love, Spencer_

Derek smiled. He felt a little guilty. He could see what Spencer meant about them being personal. Sure they knew a lot about one another, but he didn't know what Spencer was thinking moment by moment. He felt like he was intruding or eavesdropping on his thoughts. Maybe he should just put them up. But before he could entertain that thought any longer, he noticed another intriguing letter. This one was made during the same time the last one took place, that first year of them working together.

_Dear Mom,_

_I have never been so angry in my life. Well, that may be an exaggeration, but still. I'm not used to dealing with failure and that's exactly what has happened today. I failed my firearms test. I can't even carry a gun, and I'm a FBI agent! How pathetic is that! And to make things worse Derek had to go and rub it in by giving me a whistle. I'm supposed to blow on it if I''m in trouble. Funny, huh? I wanted to cram it down his throat. He's lucky I'm still carrying that torch for him or I would have, well, who am I kidding? I can't stay mad at him even when I try. I wish I could though. I wish these lingering feelings would go away. I hate feeling so guilty and awkward around him. I'm just surprised he hasn't noticed already. Wish me luck on my next test. I'm sure I'm going to need it._

_Love,_

_Spencer _

Derek smiled again. The more he read, the more he fell in love with his genious all over again. He thought back to the time that letter was written and started to feel guilty about how he teased Spencer over failing that test. He just couldn't help himself. He loved getting under Spencer's skin, only now he knew exactly why he loved it so. At that time he would do anything to get a reaction from Spencer. Consciously he had no idea why he enjoyed it so much. I guess if he would have profiled his own behavior, him and Spencer would have been together a lot sooner than they had been.

Derek decided to skip ahead a little. "Awww, here we go." The letter he uncovered was around the time Reid and Lila Archer had their thing, for lack of a better word. Derek was practically salivating over this find.

_Dear mom,_

_Feeling a little confused today. I met this girl named Lila. She's an actress. Mom she's really beautiful. I never would have thought a girl like her would even take a second look at me. But to my amazement she has. I don't know if I really like her, or if I'm just so flattered by the attention that she was giving me that my emotions got all tangled up. I tried to talk to Derek about it. He seemed geniunely interested but it was a bad idea to talk with him. It just brought out more mixed up feelings I have over him. I swear this crush seems like it's never going away. But it doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. The more time that passes, the more it seems like a dull ache. It's not sharp and insufferable anymore. It's like one of those pains that people learn to live with. It's a constant dull pain. I'm learning to deal with it more and more each day. Hopefully one day it will soon pass. _

_Love, _

_Spencer_

"Well, I thank heavens it never passed away." Derek muttered to himself. With each new letter he read, Derek found himself in awe at Spencer's sincerity of feelings. He felt he was learning something new about him with each new passage that he read. There were pages and pages of heart pouring letters. Letters of angst, frustration, jealousy, joy and passion. Each one expressing Spencer's inner-most thoughts. This one in particular Derek felt had to be his favorite. It was like the climax of all letters.

_Dear mom, _

_I almost died today. I really thought this may be my last day on earth. I know in this line of work you never really know when it could be your last day. But today definately felt like it. I don't know how I do it, but somehow I always manage to stumble into trouble. I was poisoned today. No, I know what you're thinking, but no one did it to me, I did it to myself. I never should have went into that room without it being decontaminated. I don't know what I was thinking. I saw a body lying there and just went in without thinking. Derek tried to follow me and as soon as I realized I made a big mistake I did whatever I could to keep him safe. Mom you have no idea what I was feeling in that moment. My feelings for Derek had been put on the back burner, so to speak, for years now, but in that one moment, looking at him through that glass door, all of those feelings just came crashing back down on me. They were so stifling. And the look on his face. I think I will never forget it. I don't ever want to see him look that way again. He looked almost as tortured as I felt. As I lay here in this bed thinking about how I could have come so close to never seeing his face again, I can't live with the thought of never telling him how I feel about him. I love him too much. There I said it. I finally said it. I could never admit it to myself. I always called it a crush, or just some mixed up feelings but I know it's not that. I love Derek Morgan. I've loved him for a long time now but I've just been too ashamed or afraid to admit it. But if the look I saw from him is any indication of what he could feel for me, then maybe I won't be too ashamed to tell him. Rejected or not, I have to tell him. As soon as I get out of this hospital I have to share my feelings with him. I can't have another close call like that and not have told him how I feel. Life's too short. I love you mom, so, so much. I'm so lucky to have you as my mother. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. As you can see, I need all of them._

_Love you, _

_Spencer _

As Derek read the last lines tears ran down his face. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have Spencer in his life. Spencer meant the world to him. He thought back upon the time of the anthrax scare and remembered how he too was feeling. He couldn't imagine living in a world without Spencer in it. The thought was too overwhelming. He loved him so much, and in that moment he felt it. It was no wonder that when all was said and done after the case, he and Spencer became a couple.

Derek stared down at all the letters and felt like he was being selfish. Here Spencer was sharing everything with him; his thoughts, feelings, and emotions, with every page and all he was doing was accepting them. He has never shared himself so openly with Spencer, and here Spencer was baring his soul to him. But that was going to change.

"I think I'm going to write a letter to Spencer." Derek said to himself. Yeah that's what I'm going to do, Derek thought to himself.

I think he's really going to love this.

_My Dear Spencer,_

**A/N: Awwww, I can't wait to read Derek's letter to Spencer. Oh wait, I got to write it. Ha...well hopefully real soon I'll get inspired to write Derek's beautiful heart-felt letter to Spencer that will have him in tears. Promise I won't keep you guys waiting too long. :) **

**Don't forget to review, it may help me write faster. *wink, wink***


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Derek's letter to Spencer. Spoiler alert for Revelations episode, a slight reference to it, be warned. Next and final chap. will be Spencer's reaction. Can't wait to think it up. Don't forget to review. :)**

ch. 3

_My Dear Spencer,_

_I'm sure that opening line already has your mouth agape and skeptical, but it's true. __You __are__ my dear Spencer. You are all that's dear to me. As I was reading all your thoughts and emotions put into words I was totally in awe of you. You constantly amaze me with your brilliant mind, but now you have amazed me even more with your brilliant heart. Every word I will cherish. _

_You are my treasure Spencer. You're priceless. I value you above all else. From the moment I met you I knew you were something special, I just didn't quite know that you would become __my __something special. I always looked out for you, almost possessively, but I never really saw it that way at the time, I just thought I was trying to protect our youngest, fragile member from getting hurt. But as I look back at things, I know that wasn't all to it. I guess if I were to admit it, I always found myself attracted to you from the very beginning. You had such an endearing innocence about you. I lost my innocence at such an early age that I envied that. I always wanted to protect what I saw in you. But little did I know that what I really wanted, was to take what I saw, and have it all to myself. _

_You have always been irresistable. I just had to touch you! Always. Maybe in a weird way I thought that some of that innocence would rub off on me! But anyway, I had to find some way to make contact with you, be it a shoulder squeeze, a pat on the back, just anything for that brief connection. Of course I know this now in hind-sight, but at the time I just thought I was being brotherly or friendly. Funny how clear things seem to me now._

_In your letter you realized that you loved me after the anthrax case, but I think for me it really sunk in that my feelings were non-platonic after the Hankel case. It just tore me apart watching you on that screen and being helpless, not able to come to your rescue. After that case I found myself having to evaluate my true feelings for you. But being the alpha male that I am, I couldn't bring myself to express how I was feeling outwardly to you. I couldn't even hug you in that cemetery for fear of showing my true emotions. So I just buried them deep within. I tried real hard to move past them and continue status quo. But after I almost lost you again to the anthrax, well I'll just say, if you hadn't admitted how you felt to me, then I would've to you, sooner rather than later. I couldn't have gone on another day without telling you. I guess in a weird way, that anthrax scare was the best thing that ever happened to us. Without it, we wouldn't be here together. I honestly don't know if I could live without you, now that I know what it's like to have you in my life. _

_I love you so much Spencer. I wish there was a word to express it more profoundly, but I can't for the life of me think of one. Love will have to do, even though at times I feel the word is totally lacking when I think of how I feel about you. Thank you for loving me Spencer, and thank you __so much__ for letting me read those letters. They were like music to my soul. _

_Forever yours totally and truly, _

_Derek_

Well that was it. He tried to put into words his feelings as best as he could, but he was no wordsmith like Spencer, but what he wrote was completely sincere. He just hoped Spencer could appreciate his honest and heart-felt attempt. Only one way to find out.

"Spencer, come down here. I'm finished with your letters."

Spencer came down the stairs and into the living room. He approached Derek while he was sitting on the couch.

"So, you finished them huh?"

"Well, I didn't read all of them, but a good majority of them...Babe I thought they were beautiful. Even the ones when you were pissed at me." Derek added.

Spencer blushed, "Well, I'm glad you liked them, even though they were for my eyes only, I guess it didn't hurt to share them with you." Derek smiled at him.

"Spencer really, I am truly honored that you showed me those. You really blew me away, so much in fact that I decided to write **you **a letter." Derek said while pulling out the letter and giving it to him.

Spencer looked down at the letter quizzically, "Derek, **you **wrote **me **a letter? ...Why?"

"Let's just say you truly inspire me. ...Go on read it. It won't bite."

Spencer chuckled. "Ok. Let me sit down for this."

Spencer read the first line, "My Dear Spencer", he looked up at Derek amused and said, "Really Derek,... that's a bit much"

Derek laughed. "Man, I know you **too **well." "I'm going to leave now and let you finish, let me know when your done."

Derek left the room.

Spencer was about to read the letter again then stopped and said to himself, "This looks like it's going to be very interesting."

**A/N: Awww, What will Spencer think of the letter? Will he just melt away from the awesomeness of it? These cliff-hangers will be answered next chapter. **

**Remember to review. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Last chapter. I'm going to miss these two for awhile. Plan on doing some other writing on other pairings, or individual character pieces. Could possibly bring this pair back to life if Criminal Minds would give me more to work with. These two hardly ever team up any more. Oh well, on to other ships. Hope you've enjoyed my stories. Don't forget to review. We don't get paid for writing this stuff so reviews are like dollar bills to me. I'll take any currency non US readers, pun intended. :) xoxoxo**

Ch. 4

As Spencer read line by line of Derek's letter to him he couldn't believe that Derek was capable of putting into words his emotions so beautifully and eloquently. But then again Derek has always defied his logic. It was still unfathomable that Derek even loved him back. That never ceased to amaze him. But this, this letter was so far out of Derek's comfort zone. Spencer couldn't believe his eyes. His eyes which were steadily filling with tears because of the sheer beauty of it all.

He had come to acknowledge that him and Derek loved one another. But somehow he always had the nagging feeling that maybe he cared more about Derek than he did about him. He probably felt this way because of his old insecurities, but with each line he read, each new passage, he felt all those insecurities just melt away.

He knew people used the term soul-mate all too casually. Somehow the weight of the word loss some of its power by the over usage of it. But soul-mate was the perfect term for what Derek was to him. If he never really believed it before, he sure did believe it now.

Spencer sat there awhile after reading the letter, trying to compose himself and allowing him time to just bask in the revery of it. He must have stayed there a little longer than intended because Derek started calling for him.

"Spencer!"

"Are you done yet?" he said while walking back into the living room. Derek started to look concerned when he saw him. "Hey, babe. You OK?" Derek could see that his letter to Spencer created the same reaction that he had to his. He smiled down at Spencer and gave him an affectionate neck squeeze.

Spencer looked up with reddened eyes smiling at Derek in amazement. He couldn't say anything at the moment he was so overcome with emotion.

Derek tried to make light of it and said, "If I knew a letter would finally render you of all people speechless, I would have written one a long time ago."

They both chuckled lightly. Spencer finally found his voice and said to Derek.

"I'm totally flabbergasted. I don't know what to say. This...this...it's so...I can't believe...for you to...I just..."

Derek stopped him, all the while being amused by his incoherence.

"OK, ok, I get it." He bent down and gave Spencer a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I love you too genius."

Derek stood back up to leave the room, back to his ballgame, but before leaving he turned around to say, "Glad you liked the letter."

Spencer, still smiling and unable to form complete sentences decided to just nod his head.

Derek shook his head and grinned.

Spencer sat there alone awhile longer, still basking in that warm fuzzy feeling. He didn't know what he had done to deserve someone like Derek, but whatever the reason for his fortune he was certainly grateful.

Spencer got up from the couch and walked over to the desk. He hadn't written his mom yet today so he sat down with paper ready, pen in hand, thinking about all of the amazing events of the day then said,

"Mom, this is going to be one heck of a letter tonight."

The End.


End file.
